Can a Seventh-day Adventist Marry a Non-Adventist?

Yes. Seventh-day Adventists are not under any official rules that dictate who they can or cannot marry. This is a personal, life-altering decision between the couple and God.

The denomination does offer Bible-based support and resources for couples interested in marriage and for couples who are already married. And there are denominational guidelines that churches and pastors are to follow when hosting or performing wedding ceremonies.

But as far as the marriage relationship and legality is concerned, the choosing of a spouse is the equal decision of two individuals.

So what might things look like if you’re new to the Adventist Church and about to get married, or if you’re in an interfaith relationship already?

Let’s cover:

• What Adventists believe about interfaith marriages
• What the Bible says about interfaith marriages
• Challenges of interfaith marriages
• Biblical principles for healthy marriages
• The value of premarital counseling

Even though there aren’t Adventist “rules” about who a person can marry, let’s start by looking more closely at Adventist beliefs about interfaith relationships.

What Adventists believe about interfaith marriage

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The Adventist Church believes that marriage is a sacred, life-long decision two people make to commit to one another, just as God intended it to be so in Scripture. A couple leaves their childhood homes and roles to “hold fast” to each other and become one unified body, under the blessing of God (Genesis 2:24, ESV).

And because it’s such an important and lasting decision, the Adventist Church believes it’s best for couples to carefully consider not just the qualities of the other person, but their compatibility.

Compatibility is multifaceted, of course. But a person’s faith is so central to who they are, what they value, and how they live. So this is a part of compatibility we want to apply special focus.

The church still upholds that every member has the right to decide who they marry, whether that person shares their faith or not.¹ And we recognize the validity of interfaith marriages and welcome interfaith couples just like any other.

“If a member does enter into such a marriage, the church is to demonstrate love and concern with the purpose of encouraging the couple toward complete unity in Christ.”²

However, the Church does caution Adventist ministers against performing a marriage ceremony to wed an Adventist to someone who is not. The concern is of the potential challenges that can arise from interfaith marriages, such as how differences in religion and values can disrupt unity between husband and wife.

The Adventist Church manual says:

“Unity of husband and wife in ideals and purposes is a requisite to a happy and successful home. Differences of partners regarding religion are likely to mar the happiness of the home and lead to confusion, perplexity, and failure in child rearing.”³

“Marriages are more likely to endure, and family life to fulfill the divine plan, if husband and wife are united and are bound together by common spiritual values and lifestyles. For these reasons the Church strongly discourages marriage between a Seventh-day Adventist and a member of another religion and strongly urges its pastors not to perform such marriages.”⁴

And this challenge can be a reality for any interfaith marriage, not just between Adventists and other faiths. There is research that suggests that marriages where both spouses share the same faith tend to be stronger.⁵ But when a marriage does not share this profound type of solidarity, it can be more difficult to be unified in lifestyle, beliefs, values, and priorities.

In Adventism, we see God as the source of all life, hope, and love (1 John 4:7). We see Him as the central part of our lives, which is why drawing closer to Him is a priority not just in belief, but in our daily lives (Matthew 6:33; Matthew 22:37-40).

But it can be more challenging to put God first if your spouse doesn’t feel the same way.

It’s not impossible, true. But if we find ourselves in a situation where we become constantly pulled back and forth between the two, that’s not healthy.

He originally created marriage so a man and woman could become partners, working together in service of Him and with His blessing (Genesis 2:18, 20-24). So we want to do whatever we can to support this outcome.

What does the Bible have to say about interfaith marriages?

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In the Old Testament, God warned the Israelites not to marry people of other faiths. Especially because many of those other belief systems involved strange and dangerous practices.

He also understood that the Israelites were prone to becoming enamored with the ways of surrounding nations. Chances were high that if they were united in marriages, they might try to resolve differences with their spouses by compromising their faith and turning away from their values:

“Nor shall you make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son. For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods; so the anger of the Lord will be aroused against you and destroy you suddenly” (Deuteronomy 7:3-4, NKJV).

And sure enough, the religious differences between husbands and wives of interfaith marriages caused a lot of Hebrews to compromise and accept values and practices that contradicted the way God showed them to live (Ezra 10:2).

This was especially true in the case of Ahab, the king of Israel, who turned away from God and His principles because of the influence of his wife, Jezebel, a prophetess of Baal (1 Kings 16:30-33; 1 Kings 21:25).

Even King Solomon, a man favored and blessed by God, decided to marry wives of different faiths (1 Kings 11:1-2). He would compromise his values by helping his wives promote the worship of their gods, which played a big part in weakening his relationship with God (1 Kings 11:4-8).

The New Testament also approaches the subject of interfaith marriage with caution.

In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul warned Christians not to marry those who didn’t share or support their beliefs.

“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, NKJV).

This verse refers to the yoke a pair of oxen would wear to stick together as they pulled a plow through a field. If one animal was stronger or larger than the other, the animals would be unequally yoked, causing the plow to drag in an uneven, unsteady manner.

In this way, Paul told Christians not to choose partners that would drag them down, or interfere with their right to hold onto and practice their faith in Jesus Christ.⁶

This is where we again see the principle of unity coming into play.

A lack of agreement can result in a lack of unity, both in the relationship between spouses, and each spouse’s relationship with their faith.

A spouse can lift us up, or they can bring us down. They can influence us to make good, healthy choices, or they could chip away at our resolve.

And when we’re talking about the person we’re making major life decisions with, from handling finances to raising children to managing property to caring for elderly parents to relocating for employment to caregiving in the case of illness or injury…

And these aren’t the times you want to start having tough conversations about differing beliefs and values. Core differences can’t be glossed over or pushed aside. They have to be addressed one way or another. Something will come up!

That’s why it’s important to approach marriage with unity and compatibility as the goal. And our faith and convictions are at the core of these matters.

What are the challenges of interfaith marriages?

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Let’s look more specifically at the types of challenges that are common for interfaith couples.

Since our religious beliefs are so personal and deep, they determine so much about who we are. They influence how we see the world, how we make sense of what happens in our lives. This can include, but is not limited to:

• How we schedule our days/what tasks we prioritize
• What holidays we celebrate
• What foods we eat
• Family structure, involvement, and roles
• How we handle death and grief
• Marriage roles
• How we manage money
• Which recreational activities we choose
• How we treat other people
• How we raise children

Sometimes it’s hard to see where these differences will crop up until these discussions happen, or related situations arise.

Even when in a committed, caring relationship, uncomfortable conflict can come out of these situations when two spouses are trying to work on them from differing positions.

And even if a couple does find out how to make things work in a way that respects and upholds both of their beliefs, there are still other things to consider.

If they decide to have children, it’s no longer just about them and their relationship. How could their differing faiths affect the faith of their children?

Would their children be presented with both belief systems? How would the parents agree to react if their children seemed to favor one set of beliefs over the other? Or what if they became confused or frustrated because Mom and Dad don’t believe the same way?

There’s no way to tell how things will turn out. But for any couple wanting to raise children, it’s best to be prepared for anything.

That’s why, above all else, it’s important to have these discussions and ask these questions. That’s why there is no rule against interfaith marriages in the Adventist Church, but there is caution.

That’s why everyone is encouraged to pray about their decisions and seek counsel.

Everyone’s situation is different, and some interfaith couples are able to prayerfully navigate through these challenges discussed here.

There are many Adventists out there who have a spouse with a different belief system. And many of them still experience a happy, healthy marriage.

How?

The Bible provides principles for maintaining healthy marriages even when each spouse differs in their religious beliefs.

Bible principles for happy interfaith marriages

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There are some examples of interfaith marriages in the Bible, including Ruth and Boaz, Rahab and Salmon, Joseph and Asenath.

Some might try to attribute the success of these marriages to the fact that several of them involved one spouse coming to accept the faith of the other spouse.

Paul explains that it’s true that spouses can play a role in leading their spouse to accept their religion:

“For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy” (1 Corinthians 7: 14, NKJV).

However, he’s also quick to remind Christians that this is never a guarantee:

“For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:16, NKJV).

That being said, while agreeing on religion can make marriage easier, it is not the main source of a happy marriage.

If we really think about it, the success of one’s marriage lies in how each spouse treats one another, or how dedicated they are to fulfilling the commitment they made to each other—to love and live alongside them.

This is the heart of what the Bible tells us about marriage. Whether you’re in an interfaith marriage or not, a successful marriage is all about loving your spouse and remaining faithful to them.

Paul reinforces this idea by telling Christians not to get divorced if they’re already in an interfaith marriage:

“But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him” (1 Corinthians 7:12-13).

It all goes back to the wedding vows.

Did you promise to love, honor, and cherish your spouse? Then show them you care, always!

Did you promise to be together through sickness and health? Stick together through whatever challenges or arguments come your way. Because even if you don’t agree on everything, you can still love each other the way God calls you to love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 tells us that truly loving your spouse is all about being:

• Patient: Love can take time to grow, and people need time as well. You can be forgiving of your spouse’s shortcomings, understanding that they’re on their own journey, just like you’re on yours. You can respect their different perspective as you hope they will respect and seek to understand yours. So instead of lashing out in anger or frustration, seek to calmly communicate your feelings. There’s no need to rush through the more difficult conversations.
• Kind: Kindness is more than just being “nice.” Kindness is showing sincere compassion toward your spouse, especially when they’re feeling low. Find ways to compliment and encourage.
• Selfless: Being selfless means prioritizing your spouse’s needs over your own. (This doesn’t mean neglecting to take care of yourself. But it does mean that you nurture that “spouse-first” attitude. A marriage is about each one looking out for the other.)
• Honest: Honesty is about transparency, which creates trust and deepens your connection with each other. Tell your spouse the truth, and be sincere in the sharing of your thoughts. And make sure your spouse feels safe to do the same with you.
• Forgiving: Forgiving the little things and letting go of grudges can sometimes be the hardest thing to do in a relationship, but also one of the most important and freeing things. Just as God has forgiven us, He has called us to forgive others. Acknowledge the humanity of your spouse and seek to find resolution together. The goal is to carry nothing between you, dividing you. Forgiveness can be freeing for both of you, and even bring you closer.
• Protective: Being protective means seeking to preserve your spouse’s health, safety, happiness, and peace of mind. At the same time, it involves respecting their autonomy and boundaries.
• Hopeful: Being hopeful means looking beyond the present moment and holding onto optimism even when times are hard. It’s choosing to see the potential in your spouse and in your situation.
• Enduring: Being in an enduring relationship means acknowledging the permanence and value of your marriage. Remember that love goes beyond feelings and involves a choice. This means learning to appreciate your relationship in each season of life, and deciding to stick together through the ups and the downs.

In the end, having a loving relationship is all about reflecting Christ’s character. And in reflecting Christ’s character, you’ll be able to navigate challenges in a loving, Christian way.

This can improve your relationship with your children, as well. Even if you are raising them in a multi-faith household, you’ll be united in providing a loving example at home.

Interfaith marriages often require additional patience and empathy, and this need can be turned into an advantage if both spouses step up to this demand. These are wonderful qualities to model and teach to children.

It may be challenging and take extra effort to make an interfaith marriage work, but the first step is acknowledging this. And there is support for those who might be struggling.

But if you are not yet married, one of the best things you can do to prepare yourself is to prayerfully consider premarital counseling.

The value of premarital counseling

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Most any official who can perform a marriage ceremony will agree: Even for couples who share the same faith and background, premarital counseling is a recommended step in the process. It helps them fully understand the commitment they’re taking on.

It’s easy for any couple to think they know what’s ahead, but marriage is a new stage of life that takes unexpected turns at a moment’s notice. Counseling helps couples talk about the hard things before they come up, so they don’t have to become an unintentional source of conflict down the road.

For interfaith couples, premarital counseling can be especially helpful in alerting them to the unique challenges they’re likely to face. That way, before they’re in those difficult or emotionally-charged situations, they can discuss and map out what solutions they’re willing to work toward together.

It’s also important that no matter what the belief system of each spouse, the other should seek to understand it. Not so that one spouse can try to convert the other, but so they can be more closely united in understanding each other’s perspective, convictions, worldview, and motivations.⁷

Ultimately, marriage is meant to reflect the love God has for us (John 15:12; 1 John 4:12).

1. Seventh-day Adventist Church Manual, 19th Edition, p.160. [↵]
2. Ibid, p. 160. [↵]
3. Ibid, p. 159. [↵]
4. Ibid, p. 160. [↵]
5.  Murray, Caryle, “Interfaith marriage is common in U.S., particularly among the recently wed,” Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2015/06/02/interfaith-marriage/. [↵]
6. Rodríguez, Ángel Manuel, “2 Corinthians 6:14,” Biblical Research Institute, General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists. [↵]
7. Resources for Couples https://family.adventist.org/people/couples/. [↵]

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